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Sometimes, it's really hard in committing yourselves in certain things and people make fun of you. Never mind the small matter that people don't really appreciate. But lest you don't condemn.

First day of working today was a challenge to me. Apparently, it somewhat affects my mood indirectly. Many people they can say don't let the anger controls you but unless you've mastered that only you're entitled to say so. As the wisdom goes, you cannot give what you don't have.

It reminds me of the saying, " Everyone is playing their own cards ". Everyone is doing the same thing so as to avoid troubles. The word selfish is a norm as it come in handy in our society.

I don't know what to expect later on in my job. I don't really mind beling bullied or whatsoever. But I really dislike people talking behind my back when I'm present and still it's loud and clear. If you had any problem regarding me, please do confront me and tell me in person. I'm born of the flesh. By saying that, I'm fallible in many things that I do or don't for that matter.

My colleague seems pretty disappointed with me or perhaps that was what I see. Pardon me, it's only my first day of working! Just spare me some time, I believe as the day progresses I would only get better. I'm not a fool. Just don't treat me one. They make fun out of me and one of them keep highlighting my stupidity as he sees it.

The saddest thing is it is as if I'm running the whole show. The seniors, they did nothing but to watch me and see how terribly I had failed in every task. They kept ordering me to do this and that. Then, ask me don't just stand still when they're doing so. When they realised that the Operations Manager is coming for a random check, everyone seems to be real busy doing things that aren't necessary.

Now onwards, I've told myself not to commit too much in anything you do. There isn't any appreciation but yes believe me, there's crucifixion. Many people they don't seem to appreciate you until and unless you're gone. There are many instances that this happen, in home, in school, in workplace, even among your friends.

The only thing that comforts me is how much I had contributed to everybody. And I really hope one day at least when I'm gone, they'll realize it.

Why do I commit so much?! I kept asking myself now. Is it worth it? I don't know. But I stood by my principle.

It's very hard to ask help from people nowadays. But the moment you needed one real badly, you'll really know what it's like to be in that position. So, do help others although the circumstances is against your way with all your might. And you'll really know how much legacy you had left and the values that goes around within the society.

So, when the world left you feeling empty, what you'll do? The only joy I found is in my closest buddy, my ever faithful creator who had not abandon me through all this trials. But yet, it seems I had failed every task he had thrown at me. I don't really know if salvation is available for me.